it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
