just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
