Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
