how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
