I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Four minutes until I can fart!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
