I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize