Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
