Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
