Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
