ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
