He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
