Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
