made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
