I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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