I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
