You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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