ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
