so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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