Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
