Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
