wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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