Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
