My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
only you would photoshop your dick
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
