dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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