i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
