Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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