Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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