I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
