I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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