Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
