so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
