the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
