I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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