JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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