Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My pussy is not your playground.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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