hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
