You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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