I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
