Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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