umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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