he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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