If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
