Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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