It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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