If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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