The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What drink are we having for lunch?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
