My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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