Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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