arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
