She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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