I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
