I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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