You made me cry and you don't even care
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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