Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
