he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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